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Fuckin’ Adorbs, Take Two: In the Eye Of the Tiger

by Deirdree Prudence 
& Steven Hughes Purkey

Welcome, zine freaks! In this issue we take on the age old question, what is a zine…the misconception that the zine community is “all inclusive”…zine reviews…zine resources…& an interview with the world famous zine distro goddesses, Sage Adderley of Sweet Candy Distro & Press & Alex Wrekk of Portland Button Works!

Where did we leave off in the last issue? Oh yes, glue sticks make great Hanukkah gifts. & so do scissors. & rainbow colored paper. Or a copy machine. To be totes honest with you, any ole office supply works to make your favorite zinester squeal during the holiday season. Or any ole season. Gift cards? Make it to Staples or Office Depot, Office Max…but really, fuck Kinko’s! The point being, forget the Lulu Guinness bag & get me a colored copier, damn it! A really shitty one. To make shitty colored covers that make the world smile.

There’s been a spark of debate regarding the zine community accepting one & all into the folds…but brothers & sisters, this just ain’t true! Yes, it may seem like peace-loving freakniks with nothing but rainbows & kittens & jolly smiles but beneath the underbelly of back-patting & hugs aplenty is a seriously murky closed mindedness: first & foremost, the “zine community” is extremely closed minded when it comes to others being closed minded…racist? Homophobic? Transphobic or make a sexist joke? One strike & you are out. Like, all militant & shit. Nazi punks can fuck the fuck off. Seriously. Simply, just don’t be a fuckin’ asshole. Also, we’re (& we’re now including ourselves ‘cause we are happily closed minded to hatred of any sort…except the hatred of hate…’cause we are part of this zine community we speak of… “are we now?” “oh yes, yes we are.”) not so open to people who throw something on a page & call it a zine. There ARE do’s & don’ts to making zines. There are general practices that have become the norm & taking a picture of a shoe & printing it off their HP inkjet, folding it in four with a staple on the side is not a zine. It really detracts from the art of zines, the hard work we all put into our projects & anything less than hard work should not be included. For that fact, taking a thumb drive to Kinko’s & making some hack down there do all the dirty work for you? Not included. Seriously, it’s like painting a white canvas white & calling it art. No dice, cheeky Picassos. & there is also another debate for another issue…scissors & gluesticks vs. publishing program & plastic mouse (though we will just say, ‘cause we care passionately, there’s really no comparison: scissors & gluesticks are gods & goddesses amongst zine-making materials & there is no comparison. At all.)  All inclusive? You decide. Call a KKK pamphlet a zine. I dare ya!

So the debate will forever continue as to what is/is not a zine…& it is nice to see people put shit down on paper. ‘Cause one thing we can all agree upon: e-zines are not zines. But as the stolen quote always turns up, art is anything you can get away with…right? So don’t let us discourage you. Well, maybe a few of you.

But that’s enough about that. For now. Onto the…

zine reviews!

Shards of Glass In Your Eye! #lO
by Kari Tervo
shardsofglassinyoureye@gmail.com

Quirky, quippy, intelligent giggles & smirks galore, Shards Of Glass In Your Eye is like as if one of those Vacation movies of the ‘8Os was set in 2Ol3, in Hollywood, in Beverly Hills, was starstruck on celeb encounters & had all the same laughs but they were smarter chuckles & it didn’t star Chevy Chase. Follow? Prolly not but here’s a few of my favorite pieces from this incredibly splendid & impressively amusing zine: all the grammar/vocabulary shit, Pontius Pilates, Public-Speaking Smackdowns – Toastmasters vs. Redondo Poets!, the phrase “celebrity-industrial complex,” Audacious Inquiries!, & everything else inside.
This is what a zine should be. It’s funny, it’s informational, it’s photocopied & chock full of shit – it’s a zinester having fun with their brain, surroundings, scissors & a glue stick. & I’m really like head over heels for it. Everyone needs a good laugh here & there, everyone needs a good read for their lazy Sunday afternoons…Please get yourself a copy of this zine. Please? www.etsy.com/shop/SweetMayhemZinery (Deirdree)

Zine Swap
by Oscar Moreno
www.OscarMorenoArt.com

This l/4 sized gem was sent to us as part of a 24-hour zine swap back in July & I’ve been wanting to review it since. It’s got everything I love about zines: brutally hand cut & collated, rips & tears left in, & all smashed together with a jammed staple or 2...c’est perfect! & it’s not just Oscar’s street credentials that make this punk rock charm a living testimonial to do-it-yerself zinestering...it’s also the fact that it’s his first go round at making a zine of his own that makes the cake so sweet to gnaw on. That, & his wonderfully thrash art style that beat these pages to a black & white pulp...tres magnifique!
Oscar’s mostly abstract creations are both light & dense, dark & splattery, and completely human. Added to by the obtuse faces he seems to lovingly puts here & there with a kind of half-finished sense of urgency. & while art zines are not typically my thing, this one is. I propose that you go now to his website (OscarMorenoArt.com) & experience the free thrill of discovering great new art. For those of you familiar with Gag Moi, he did the cover art on #9...that gnarly wrap around painting, as well as the two pieces in the centerfold. Badass, right? So, go support living artists, dammit - ‘cause the dead ones don’t need your money...or whatever it is you drrty hipsters say. (Steven)


Zine Profile: the Pocket Reader Series
This issue we’re going to show off our very own beloved li’l mini zines that we like to call biographical melodramas. Think Lifetime made-for-tv movies meet rockstar/artist fanzine extravaganza. All wrapped up in a l/8th sized, l6 page, b&w, lovingly photocopied, & hand-stapled mini zine complete with photos & facts & fun…each one about a different artist/musician/writer/ or teenage pot-smoking future President of the United States. We try to pick a person of interest to us (& hopefully you!) who has a good story that we feel needs to be told. Starting in August 2Ol2, & one a month until last March 2Ol3, we told their stories in our own words. First up was Ian Curtis (of Joy Division) & his suicide, with the last one being Billie Holiday, her bouts with heroin & painful death without it. The next of the Pocket Reader series is gonna be about 8Os new-romantic, Adam Ant…to be available very soon.
Bonus Fun Facts: While nearly every single Pocket Reader is actual fact, actual quotes & shit, Where Will It End? A Joy Division Pocket Reader follows the story of singer Ian Curtis’ suicide & contains plenty of urban legends surrounding his demise – from standing on a block of ice in front of a hot radiator with the noose around his neck to his reading of poetry in those last few moments. The James Douglas Morrison (Jim Morrison) was our little nod to the lizard king, our little piece of fun. The real story was that he was listening to Iggy Pop’s record, The Idiot, in those last minutes…which we ended up inserting into Darby Crash’s theatrical suicide event in We Must Bleed: A Germs Pocket Reader. In this zine we didn’t add any crazy details but actually omitted one crucial tidbit to the story: where Darby wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, a punk rock n roll legend, his legend was cut short, his headlines he so craved where put on the backburner – not 24 hours after his grand fiasco of a suicide, John Lennon, Beatle & solo actual rock god, was murdered by a deranged fan, snuffing out all publicity for the LA punk front-man.

Zine Resources & Events:

We paid for our table (finally!)! LA Zine Fest here we come! February l6th, 2Ol4 at Helms Bakery…can’t wait!
Chicago Zine Fest: March l4-l5
Portland Zine Symposium: July l2-l3, 2Ol4

Stolen Sharpie Revolution: Not just a great book, an amazing website! www.stolensharpierevolution.org showcases events, distros, resources & more! The site’s list of links alone to other resources & reviews & weirdo zine ephemera is worth its weight in gold…

Zine Wiki: From what is a zine, how to make/format your zine to a list of zinesters & zines themselves, this site has got it all – yay for Wikipedia! You can add & update your own bio, have your friends & fans do it for you – or remain toiling away in obscurity ‘til the bitter end, it’s your show. Updating your profile is an activity in July Is International Zine Month but don’t wait for then to check this site out!

& last but not least, it’s the post-tubular Facebook group – Zines A Go Go! Started by Ms. Prudence herself & now boasting a membership of over 2OO zine freaks & print maniacs, all gathered together to discuss their projects, ask questions about zine making & totes loads of other shiznitt. Join us, join us, complete the screening survey in less that 3 hours & win a free glue stick! Just kidding...come one, come all!

So there you have it, beautiful ghoulies, make a zine. Buy a zine. Distribute a zine. Read one & pass it along. Trade one at a zine fest. Tell your friends about zines. Zines, zines, zines, pom pom heads! Jump into the action & try it out for yourself! But remember, with creating as an artist comes the responsibility to work your damned ass off & make it the best piece possible. Make it your life. Get a zine tattoo.  On your forehead. & don’t be an asshole.

Big Josh by Mark William Foster


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