I essentially live a double life. In one world I'm the person who is
writing this. I'm Persephone Pomegranate, a feminist zinester with
severe anxiety issues who smokes weed and enjoys taboo sex. I'm a
fairly outspoken person who shares my life openly and honestly in my
In my other life I'm boring old Angie. A web professional who suffers
from no mental illness (because that would make me unreliable), bites
her tongue at a majority of the sexist bullshit spouted (because I
would be a total outcast if I called it all out) and has never
experimented with drugs in her life (again, we're back to being
Most of the people who know Angie just see a very quiet and shy girl
who only speaks when she has something specific to say. When it's
directly related to the topic at hand, chosen by the others around
her. Usually work related. It's a bit ironic because those who know me
by my real name don't actually know the real me. Angie is the fake
one, Persephone is who I actually am.
So why do I do this? Why not just let Angie become Persephone and show
everyone in my life the true me? I keep up the illusion with my in
laws for my husband's sake. They're uber conservative and I honestly
don't know what they would do if they knew the truth about who we
were. I keep up the illusion with my work colleagues so that I can
keep my job working from home which allows me to fully live life on my
I understand that there is a bit of a selfish streak in what I'm
doing. I should be trying to break those stereotypes down and let
people see that while I suffer from a mental illness and do drugs
recreationally, I'm still a reliable person who is good at what I do.
But I have to be selfish on this one. I need to be able to work from
home, where I don't have to talk to anyone face to face, where all of
my interactions get to be through email, where I can lead the
reclusive life that I need to lead in order to stay sane.
So, at least for now, Angie and Persephone will have to remain split.
And honestly, I kind of like having an assumed identity that allows me
to be completely free. Persephone has opened my eyes to so much that
Angie either wouldn't or couldn't admit to herself. Persephone has
done so much to put me on the path of discovering who I really am.